


Measured by Scales

by elle_nic



Category: The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
Genre: Crack, F/F, Fluff, Humor, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-06 07:40:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21222974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elle_nic/pseuds/elle_nic
Summary: Miranda meets Noodle and is enamoured, to say the least. Nigel is less moved.





	Measured by Scales

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Game_of_Thorns](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Game_of_Thorns/gifts).

> My dear fellow Aussie, Luci, had a cracked up idea for a fic and didn't want to write it so I did. Hope you like it, Luce!!! :)))

Andy was having a _day_ and it wasn’t even nine in the morning yet. She hadn’t slept late or anything, hadn’t missed the subway or been knocked over on the street, ruining either of her heels. No. Her day was a _day_ but in a pre-emptive sense. She knew that today might be the day Miranda really fires her. Not for wearing clogs to work or walking up the stairs or nearly leaving her in Paris. None of those things had been dismissive worthy… but bringing in Noodle to work might _just_ be the final nail in her coffin.

Nodding to Mavis, one of the lobby guards, Andy reshouldered her side satchel, cautious of the precious cargo within. She entered the elevator balancing her own bag, an Hermes bag and Miranda’s coffees with the grace of a seasoned assistant. She counted all the ways Miranda might be able to kill her with just her office supplies on her way to the 17th floor. By her stop she had managed to think up twenty two different methods, which she was kind of proud of.

Emily was absent, already off on an errand, no doubt, leaving only a note to man the phones and not to touch her cheese cubes. Andy huffed a laugh, binned the note and moved into the centre of the pale, perfect office space. She placed Miranda’s coffees on her desk, ready for her arrival after setting Noodle’s sanctuary by her own desk, being careful not to jostle the little thing. She knew she’d be sleeping still in her little box that she favoured, but Andy worried all the same. Noodle wasn’t used to travelling with Andy like this, but the vet had only had the lunchtime appointment open until late next week.

She had no time to linger in Miranda’s office, thank god (she was overthinking again), before Miranda arrived in a whirlwind of office-appropriate couture and nonchalant superiority, a slightly more modest Nigel in tow before he peeled away and it was just the two of them. Andy was fidgeting as Miranda shot off her list of errands, but that wasn’t new. Miranda, today however, seemed to divine that it was for another reason than just being nervy around Miranda (fucking) Priestly.

“Andréa, what is the issue,” she snapped, nostrils flaring. Andy gulped.

“I need a longer lunch break today,” she said in a rush of borrowed bravery.

“What on earth for, if you’d care at all to explain yourself?” Though phrased like a question, Andy was keenly aware that she had no choice but to answer.

“The vet only had one opening this week and Noodle is due for her check-up,” she said quickly, “so, I have to leave straight from here to make it on time,” she finished.

“Who’s Noodle?” Miranda asked. It would have been a funny sequence of words if Andy were not so _totally_ freaked out by her answer.

“Um-”

“-If it’s a rodent then I will not be held responsible for my reaction,” Miranda informed. Andy nearly chortled. How was Miranda ever responsible for her reactions aside from having them at all? The question answered itself, truthfully.

Andy moved to the satchel bag and pulled out a low, wide clear container filled with sand and a few hollow rocks. She took the lid off, ensuring she got no sand anywhere on _Runway_ property before grabbing Noodle. She was drowsy, probably from the eventful transit that Andy had dragged her along on.

“I know, Noodle, I’m sorry,” she whispered fondly, smiling as the small snake wrapped around her wrist and forearm where she liked to cling when Andy held her and flicked her tongue out. Andy looked at Miranda and damn near dropped poor Noodle. Miranda was smiling softly, her head tilted at an angle that could only be adorable. Her gaze was transfixed on Noodle, who was fluttering her tongue out frequently, getting a taste for the most tasteful offices in New York, Andy imagined. “Uh,” she said. “This is Noodle. She’s sleepy,” she added, gesturing to the heavy-lidded eyes of her little companion and the tucking of a little head under a snake belly. The offices were quite bright, Andy acknowledged. She moved to put Noodle back in her little travel box when Miranda stepped forward.

“She’s lovely,” Miranda cooed, moving closer to inspect Noodle’s colouring and pattern. She was pale with wide flourishes of rich yellows and oranges, her tongue a sweet pink. Her eyes were wider now that Miranda had approached, so Andy pulled her hand back a little, nearly peeing her skirt when a vicious glare reprimanded her. “Andréa,” Miranda scolded in an icy register.

“She’s not used to new people,” Andy began to reassure. “She was always tetchy with Nate when we were together, and I just don’t want her to snap at you, is all,” she hastily explained. Miranda pursed her lips and nodded in acceptance.

“Get her used to me,” Miranda demanded.

“Uh, how would I- I mean, what do you mean?”

“Must I explain the simplest ideas to you so often, Andréa? Get her used to me so she may keep me company. She’s sure to be the only acceptable companion in the whole building.”

Oh yeah. Sure. No biggie, because Noodle was super good at meeting new people and clinging to them. Noodle was really affectionate with everyone she met and had definitely not tried to bite Nate every time he tried to greet her. Noodle was definitely not the sort of snake to get mean when provoked, like all other snakes. What the fuck.

“I don’t think-“

She saw it in slow motion. Miranda reaching forward, even if it were delicately, to grab Noodle. She shut her eyes, expecting to hear a gasp of pain or maybe a groan when smooth scales tightened too much on a delicate wrist. Maybe she’d just hear the patter of a few drops of blood on the cream carpets, pale skin torn by frightened fangs. But, Andy realised as she opened a single timid eye, none of those things happened. Oh no. It was much, much worse.

Miranda was cooing quietly at a contented Noodle, whom had wrapped herself around Miranda’s arm for a cuddle. It was comical in a way, perhaps, seeing such a small snake wound around the very same hands that purchase snakeskin bags and shoes and bracelets. The irony was profound, but Andy was still a little shocked that Noodle had been so open to Miranda (though, the power of the shorter woman was far-reaching, to be sure).

“Oh,” Andy breathed. “She likes you,” she remarked with wonder.

“Well, not everything with a heartbeat finds me detestable,” Miranda sniffed. There was an unbothered shrug of narrow shoulders that, to anyone else, would have been a sign that Miranda believed what she was saying. But Andy, who had seen Miranda cry for her children in Paris, and again when they called to say they arrived safely in Boston where their father lived, knew that Miranda was seeking reassurance on this. Andy, as the ever-faithful assistant, and someone who held Miranda in genuine high regard, leapt to the chance.

“You’re not detestable,” she said immediately, sincerely. “Only when you wear genuine snakeskin,” she added with a touch of cheek, so Miranda would reprimand her to make herself feel better. She did, of course (“You can forget the tone or pack your things, Andréa”. Even if it was a particularly weak one, Andy would never say.)

.oOo.

“Nigel?”

Andy looked up at Miranda’s beckon to see Nigel in a fashionable hurry with Emily behind him (she had been assisting him, Andy found out after she had settled in to work) and a team or harried department heads. He was talking quietly and gravely to Emily beside him, distracted as he entered the inner office. Andy stayed in her seat opposite Miranda feeling both alarmed and comfortable in her temporary working place.

Miranda and Andy both had discovered that Noodle did not enjoy being with Miranda where she couldn’t see Andy, so they both compromised and agreed that for the duration of Noodle’s visit, Andy would sit with Miranda. Stranger things have happened, Andy supposed, but not to her. Anyway, that was how Nigel saw them both when he turned to the editor. Andy ensconced in her little area and Miranda writing something on a spread planner with Noodle attached to her upper arm and wrist.

“Where are the prints, Nigel, I asked you for them this morning,” Miranda scolded, not looking away from where her hand was flying in its looping cursive.

“Noodle’s getting tired again,” Andy mused aloud, watching as her precious ball python blinked tiredly but adoringly up at Miranda, who was still not paying attention to anything.

“Who’s Noodle,” Nigel asked, only then turning to Miranda as if to ask the same question. Andy had never seen someone pale so quickly. He made to yell, Andy thought, but cut himself off before more than a snap of sound could leave his throat. It was enough to startle Miranda and Noodle both, the latter of which curled tightly around Miranda’s wrist. Andy got up slowly and approached Noodle, thus also approaching Miranda.

“Noodle,” she sing-songed softly, catching the snake’s attention and petting her head. She only sung at her for a few moments before the pretty little thing calmed and loosened her hold on Miranda. “Are you okay,” she asked Miranda, hearing a strangled tut from Emily behind her for asking a direct question.

“Fine, if only Nigel would cease the melodrama,” Miranda huffed, eyes flashing and nostrils flared. She looked worriedly down at Noodle who was on edge but calm at least. “She’s alright?”

“Just fine. If only Nigel would cease his melodrama,” she said with a grin at the pale-faced art director. “Are you collected now,” she asked him.

“Why is there a snake here,” he said instead of answering.

“She’s here until lunchtime when Andréa will take her to the vet then back to her apartment. Are you finished now?”

“Miranda refuses to say her name,” Andy added, mostly to distract Nigel from whatever fearful reaction he was having. “It’s not her first name but Noodle prefers it.”

“She’s small at least,” Nigel breathes, and Andy can only nod, keeping him distracted until he can focus again. “I hate snakes.”

“Have you no manners,” Miranda frowns from her seat. The rest of the crew are piling in and moving about unnoticed by the four, Emily in some silent fury beside Nigel. “She’s right here,” Miranda continues, “And you’ll do well to have some manners.”

“She’s very sweet, I promise,” Andy tacks on at the end, mainly to soothe the sting of Miranda’s admonishment.

“And you,” Miranda says, possessing Andy to spin and look at her displeased moue. “What’s her first name,” she demands.

Andy blushes. “Indiana,” she says simply. It takes Miranda only a moment to make the connection.

“No wonder she prefers Noodle,” she mutters.

By the time the run-through is over and Miranda has sufficiently placed the fear of god into her employees, it’s time for Andy to take Noodle to the vet. She had been doing a fantastic job of keeping Miranda grounded. Andy suspected it had to do with the desire not to jostle the little snake too much on Miranda’s part. It was pretty cute, Andy thought. Even cuter was the disappointment that met her when she informed Miranda that she had to get going with Noodle.

“Well, I suppose she has had a rather disturbed day, hasn’t she,” Miranda said, her tone bleeding disappointment as she looked forlornly to the little yellow and orange creature. “You will come visit again, won’t you?”

“She needs a check up ever two months because of a condition she has,” Andy offers.

“Well, until then, Indiana,” Miranda says, holding out her arm for Andy to collect her reptile.

Noodle looks to Miranda, flicks her tongue out and blinks once before loosening to be handled by Andy. “She’s really taken to you,” Andy remarks with no small amount of surprise. Noodle had been most sociable with Miranda which was more than she could say for anyone else the snake had come into contact with. She particularly hated the last vet…

Walking away from her desk to head to the vet, Noodle settled in her box, Andy heard Miranda’s mobile phone ring which she answered immediately.

“Bobbsey,” she cooed into the receiver, her Mom Voice on, as Andy privately referred to it, “What do you and your sister think about getting a snake?”

**Author's Note:**

> Luci's Discord Musings:
> 
> Andy comes into work like "yall i gotta leave early to take Noodle to the vet"  
Nigel: "who's Noodle?"  
Andy: [opening a box] "this is Noodle" [pulls out a fucking ball python]  
Nigel: [screams of terror]
> 
> .oOo.
> 
> miranda, with a snake draped round her neck: "where are my /fucking/ layouts?"  
nigel: [wets himself]


End file.
